Five Simple Moves That Make Your Advice Land

Ever notice how the smartest advice can land like a brick? We dig into why that happens and share five moves that shift conversations from friction to flow. Drawing on a decade of one-on-one work and group coaching, we break down a simple framework that anyone can use: ask for consent before feedback, let people fully empty out, validate feelings in plain language, prep before so you can be present during, and—when the moment taps your shoulder—just say it.

We start with consent because “advice without consent is criticism.” A quick “Would you like my feedback?” flips the listener from defense to choice. From there, we explore the discipline of space: resisting the urge to fix and instead letting the story breathe until the nervous system softens. Then comes validation—the tiny, powerful phrases like “That sucks” and “Your feelings are valid” that make people feel seen. We talk through practical ways to prepare—reviewing notes, clarifying outcomes, and setting targets—so the conversation can stay focused on what matters. And we share how to reverse engineer change from identity to behaviors to beliefs, turning big goals into doable steps.

Finally, we lean into intuitive coaching: trusting that nudge to voice the insight on your heart. When combined with consent, space, and presence, those moments often unlock exactly what the other person needs to hear. If you want your feedback to land, your relationships to deepen, and your coaching—formal or informal—to create real transformation, this episode gives you clear language and repeatable steps you can use today. If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who coaches (officially or not), and leave a quick review to help others discover the conversation.

Transcript

Why Advice Often Misses

SPEAKER_00 1:12

So, as someone who works with people one-on-one and in group formats, I have learned a lot about the most optimal way to get someone to accept change. And so I'm going to share the top five things that I've learned over the last 10 years of coaching. And hopefully these are things that will be able to help you in your every single day life because we are all coaches to those around us, oftentimes. I know it's natural to want to give your advice. It's natural as a human to want to share your story of your experience. And here are just ways that you can do it that are going to make it more accepted and actually get the result you're looking for. So the very first thing is that, yeah, we we all very much want to share our opinion with those around us. And sometimes we forget that we have to ask for consent before we give that advice. Because advice without consent is criticism. So ask before you give the feedback. The number one thing that I have done to be able to get people to accept what it is that I'd like them to hear from me is to stop and say, would you like my feedback? Even if it feels like they've already given that feedback in the conversation or the context of the relationship, or technically they're giving you consent by just being there in that room right in front of you, having that conversation, because anybody has the choice to walk away at any time. But still asking, can would you like that my feedback? That in itself is something that offers someone the ability to check in with themselves, put the wall down, and say yes. I invite in what you are about to say. It interrupts the pattern of being in the normal flow of a conversation and it opens them up and their ears, like they basically turn on and they're like, okay, what is it you want to say? So whatever you say is just lands so much differently. And the beautiful part is they are opting in to discard what you're saying as well, because sometimes our feedback is just feedback and it's not applicable. It is up to them to whether they accept it and keep it and take it on and say, yes, that fits my experience, or to go, no, that's not applicable here, and then give you more understanding, more context, more details. So first ask before you give feedback, even if you're already in, say it is a coaching session, and they're they've explicitly given you consent to give your feedback, but still asking them, would you like my feedback? It's almost prefacing that the next thing you're gonna say is intentional. And then the next thing that I've learned is to let people empty out, right? Let them empty out fully because sometimes we get to a conclusion as a coach faster because we see it. It's blatant, it's right there. Well, duh, just this. But if we don't allow our client or the person, our friend, our family member to fully empty out, to say all the things they wanted to say, they're still gonna feel like they weren't heard. So take that moment and give them the gift of being heard. Give them the gift of getting curious and asking a few questions about it and actually being attentive and letting them fully empty out. Because most of the time when we hold on to something, it's because we never got to just say the thing we needed to say. And so allowing someone to have that space, that safe opportunity to just say it without your judgment, without your feedback, just so they can get it out. So letting people empty out was also a superpower, not cutting them off, not stopping the flow of their story, allow them to empty it all out so that they can then fill it back up with something else and they can actually hear what you have to say. The next thing that I've learned, so number three now, is that after you let them empty it out, sometimes people just need to hear two words. That sucks. Two words can make someone feel so seen, heard, and understood. Or you could choose the double it and do the four-word version. Your feelings are valid. That sucks. Your feelings are valid. Sometimes that's all we want to hear, and that will trigger a flow of release and the shift to be able to step into a new story to finally release that energy they've been holding on to for so long. So offer them that validation, and that's all we have to do. I don't even know what else to say because it's as simple as that. That sucks. Your feelings are valid. And if it's true, you could add, and I've been there. Because what those words, and I have been there, do is allow someone to recognize that not only can you associate to where they are currently, but also that you've gotten beyond that. Because I've been there implies that you are not there anymore. And so to be on the other side means they now have someone who can walk with them who's done this before, who can guide them. So taking that moment to just say, that sucks. Your feelings are valid, man. I've been there. Is so powerful for allowing people to get those needs met, to be seen, to be heard, to be understood our core needs. Now, now the fourth thing that I've learned when it comes to working with people in any one-on-one capacity, whether it's a conversation at a dinner, whether it's a two seconds in an elevator, whether it's a coaching call, whether it's a relationship that I've had with a partner or family member for decades. Prep before so you can be present during. Now, for my clients, this means showing up 30 minutes ahead of time and sitting down with all the notes that I have on them, from their first inquiry and application to their first pre-call to any breakthrough sessions, to any retreats they've attended, to any one-on-one calls. I just scroll through and remind myself of the journey. Where did we start? Where have we been? Where are we now? Where are we going? And getting myself that structure allows me to remind myself of the target this person's aiming at. Because I approach coaching so much differently, which is why, again, I don't really like to call myself a coach, although I know it is the association most people have to the work that I do. But I like to call myself a guide because I'm just there to ask really, really good questions to help you find the answers. And then I just support you in that. So truly, people come to me and I ask, okay, well, what's the outcome that you seek? And so they set the outcome, they set the target. I'm like, cool, that's the target. That's where we're aiming. And then I ask really, really good questions to help them define how they'd like to get there. And now that we've defined how they'd like to get there and who they're becoming in the process, and we set that vision, then the goals become easy. And we reverse engineer all of those. Those become the behaviors, which then we figure out, okay, what belief systems do we need to have to be able to make these behaviors and these words, this language that we're shifting into natural? And that's the identity work. Now we do all of that work, but you simply have to show up, just like I simply show up. So by setting the frame for doing prep before so you can be present during, is that 30 minutes before a one-on-one is critical to understanding and being so present, as well as utilizing skills that I've been developing for decades in these sessions. So utilize all of the information that you have up to that point, but in the moment is not the time to be looking things up and pulling new information in. In the moment is the time to just be present and in the moment with the person in front of you. Tapping into all of the knowledge you've gained up until that point, not worrying about what you don't know, and just simply leveraging what you do, being so present with someone that they can feel all of your attention and energy on them. And that is what's going to be powerful. That is what's going to help cultivate change. And so when you're in a container with someone who helps you set the target, make the plan, and then follow through with that plan, there's no way you can lose because no one's telling you what to do in a container like that. But that can only work if the person, you listening to this now, who wants to become better, is aiming to become better at these five things so you can show up better in these one-on-one conversations. You have to understand prep before. Leave time before your calls. Take a moment before you go to an event where you feel like you're going to run into someone, or just do the work ahead of time on yourself. Be so clear so that you can be present, so that you're not so distracted with all the other things in your world. Because that presence is the present, right? It's the gift that we give people, is how present we can be in our communications and in our time with them. And the fifth thing that I've learned, the final thing is just say it. If something is being put on your heart, say it. Channel. Be the channel in that moment. You're getting these messages for a reason. When you follow a script, we don't leave room for the messages to come through. So in your sessions, if you're being called, I don't, it's it's a pull. It's a being called, it's like something's tapping on your shoulder saying, say this. Every single time that I have just said it, that person has said, I'm also getting a message like that. Or, wow, I really needed to hear that. Or that answers the questions I've had. Right? When we just become the channel, when we just allow ourselves to be so present that we just say it and we just are it, we be it, then that's when the magic happens. That's when people get the messages they've needed. That's when you hear someone say, This is the third time this week someone said this to me. It's because three different people in their world have had the courage to say the thing that's being put on their heart because it's not for us. Again, it's about them. So say it. So those five things are ask before you give the feedback. Would you like my feedback about this? The second thing is let them fully empty out. Like all of it. The third thing, well, that sucks. Your feelings are valid. The fourth, prep before so you can be present during. And the fifth, just say it. If it's put on your heart, it's there for a reason. I hope that these five things help you improve the quality of your connections and the change that can happen and the transformation that can happen when people have everything from a basic conversation with you all the way up to a one on one coaching session. I hope that these improve your life and the life of those around you. And I'll see you in the next one.