SOS From the SOS Girl: When the Lifeguard Needs Saving

Vulnerability and leadership often feel at odds with each other. As someone who's built her reputation as "the SOS girl" – the one everyone calls during their darkest moments – I've struggled with a profound question: how do I ask for help when I'm drowning?

This raw, unfiltered exploration takes you through the emotional tug-of-war between maintaining professional credibility and embracing authentic vulnerability. I share a personal story about shifting instantly from seeking support to providing it during a mastermind call, highlighting the strange energy exchange that happens when you're accustomed to being the helper. The experience forced me to confront whether I've been selfish with clients by waiting for them to make decisions when sometimes they simply need direction.

My sensitivity – the quality that sometimes overwhelms me – is precisely what makes me effective at supporting others. Good coaches sit in the mud with clients, and my capacity to feel deeply gives me the empathy to notice subtle shifts in others. This realization has transformed how I view emotional intelligence, not as weakness but as profound strength. Similarly, I've come to appreciate that our greatest lessons come from our losses, not our wins. As my high school dance coach wisely observed – winners don't learn because they don't know why they succeeded, but losers gain clarity about what needs improvement.

Whether you're a coach, leader, parent, or friend, this episode will resonate if you've ever struggled with the balance between helping others and seeking help yourself. What kind of support do you need when you're struggling? How do you maintain authority while showing vulnerability? I'd love to hear your thoughts – reach out on social media @janaswan with your insights on navigating this delicate balance.

Transcript

Speaker 1 1:13

how do you ask for help?

Speaker 1 1:16

That's the big question. How? How do I ask for help when I'm the SOS girl? I'm always the one everyone turns to when things really get bad. I'm the one that you call out of nowhere three times in a row because it'll push through to my phone, no matter what, and I'm going to pick it up. So who do I go to? Maybe you are like me, maybe you're that person who solves everyone else's problems, who shows up to calm them and co-regulate them. So who do we turn to and how do we ask for help? How do we show up in an authoritative position and establish credibility online as a leader in an industry and someone who's able to hold that space for someone else, yet be honest enough to say that we struggle too? Who do I go to?

Juxtaposition of Being Vulnerable and Strong

Speaker 1 2:26

It's such a feeling of juxtaposition, but I know it's just energy, because on a call just about an hour or so ago, I'm opening up about you know with my mastermind that I'm in a very trustworthy group that I know share the burden when it is requested. So opening up and sharing how I'm struggling and feeling myself shift into that feminine where I'm just highly emotional and letting my wall down and being super vulnerable. And then my time's done and it's the next person and they start to open up about their struggles. And I feel it. It's an immediate shift where I'm no longer focused on what I'm going through and I shift into more of that masculine energy, where I begin to ground and hold space, begin to really open up and listen and take it in. And it's the total opposite and and it happens in an instant, because the moment it's not about me and it's about that other person something shifts and then you get off the call and it's right back in to just feeling all of your own things and I don't know. I'm not going anywhere with this.

Speaker 1 3:53

I am honestly asking these questions actively right now and I'm sitting here journaling. But how do I ask for help? Because each of those people on the mastermind call have all reached out to me since to say I can book a flight right now, I can be there. Do you need to get on a phone call? How can I help? Right now, I can be there. Do you need to get on a phone call? How can I help? I am here and I don't know how to ask. I don't even know what to ask for.

Speaker 1 4:31

And it reminds me in these moments of what my clients are going through. It reminds me they don't know how to ask for help. So I have been doing a disservice Because they're sitting there begging for help, because I am selfish and I forget what it feels like to be drowning. I forget that sometimes someone who's drowning doesn't need someone to ask them for consent to grab their hand and pull them out. They just need someone to do it. They need someone to lead them, tell them I'm here, I got you.

The Challenge of Asking for Help

Speaker 1 5:22

I'm always waiting for people to make the decision for themselves, and someone so graciously informed me how selfish I'm being Because people in the position that they're in when they come to me, they're not in a position to make a decision like that. They're in a position where they need to be led, they need to be told what's best for them. And so I'm in this juxtaposition, one being in this space myself, yet still knowing that, even though I'm going through my own battles, I can and do still show up just as well for my clients, and I can and do still get transformation for them, because they are all still walking powerfully on this planet. So I know what I do is something that needs to continue to happen, even when I'm struggling, because my capacity, my deep capacity to be able to feel like this is what gives me the deep capacity to be able to heal with others. A good coach is a coach who can sit in the mud with you, and I don't see my sensitivity to emotion as a weakness. I see it as a strength. That sensitivity is the same sensitivity that gives me the empathy to be able to really notice when someone is off, when they're not themselves, to be able to say something. And I'm so grateful to have people in my life who can do the same, who can immediately notice you're different, and they can reach out and say you're not, okay, let's talk.

Being Authentic Online and Offline

Speaker 1 7:32

But how do we continue to make progress, showing up as a credible leader, someone who can hold space at a high level and yet still be honest and share our struggles with our audience? Where is that balance? I don't ever know if I'm doing it right. All I know is I'm doing my best and that's all that matters. And my best and your best are going to be different, and they're going to be different each and every day, because today, 100% can be 100%, tomorrow, 80% can be 100%, but all I know is that I want to be the same person online as I am in person, because it is the greatest feeling in the world when you get to meet someone in person at an event, who follows you online, who you don't even know follows you online, who says, oh my God, you are exactly the same in person as you are online. That is the greatest compliment, because our content is only showing slivers, tiny, tiny fractions of moments, and it can be a balance. A balance is a really hard balancing act to do of how many highlights and how many lowlights and what does that look like? And sometimes we go through seasons of business where there's a lot of lows, and then other times we go through seasons of business where there are a lot of lows and then other times we go through seasons of business where there are a lot of wins.

Speaker 1 9:29

The one thing I know is that, to be able to show up in a way that is in alignment and congruent, I put myself in shoes that are yours the listener. How do I want the listener, or the reader or, you know, the viewer, whatever it is, whatever kind of platform it is, what do I want you to feel. What kind of connection to me do I want you to have? And I truly thought about this. And when I meet people in person, I want them to feel like I'm that sister to them and, if not, that I'd either like to be the future version of them or just a reflection of who they are in that moment, are in that moment, because the truth is, we are all just mirrors. If you see someone and you're like, oh my God, she's awesome, that's because you're awesome. It's like, pick up on it, it truly is. If you see someone and you're like she's a little bit of a, that's because you're that too, and you're just seeing yourself. We are simply mirrors, and I just know that.

Speaker 1 10:54

The one thing that I don't enjoy when I meet people online or people in person that I have may have started to follow me online is that celebrity energy. I don't really want that. It's never a pedestal that I want to be put on. I'm scared of heights. Did I tell you that? No, I'm just kidding. I truly just want it to feel like a sisterhood, like a best friend, like a future version of yourself. I want you to be able to walk up and say hello and introduce yourself to me and us both feel like we've known each other for a lifetime. That's what I want you to feel and that's why I stopped like overly curating this podcast.

Speaker 1 11:39

It is a conversation. It is not even a conversation because it's kind of one-sided. So, if anything, it's a conversation with me and my own personalities inside my head. But I just wanted to be us, just you and me. You just getting a little bit of a private voice note. I don't know, they're pretty long for voice notes, but I don't know, do you have friends like that that send you voice notes? I feel like podcasts. I know I have some girlfriends like that. I'd be like ooh, eight minutes and I'd grab a tea and settle into the couch and getting off topic here.

Learning Through Losses, Not Wins

Speaker 1 12:16

So how do you ask for help? Well, it's kind of self-descriptive, right, you ask, but I think it's not how we ask for help that we're really stuck on. It's the. What kind of help are we asking for? What do I really need help with? What's going to make a difference? And sometimes it's just being seen and heard and understood. So set up some time with a girlfriend to just chat with her. Set up a time to just journal to yourself and how can friends help. It doesn't always have to be active, it doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to be anything loud, it can be gentle and it can be subtle and sometimes it can just be dropping in every now and again to say I see you and I know this shit sucks, but we'll get through it together.

Speaker 1 13:33

I'm glad that I still have these experiences. I'm glad that I still have these experiences. I'm glad I have these moments of pain and struggle. And, yes, universe, I know you're fucking hearing this right now Because I know that there are lessons and I know this is just bringing me more to share with others, because it's not just through studying, it's not just through listening to others, it's through our lived experience that allows us to hold space properly for others. So every lived experience is another experience to put in the bank of life that I believe will pay off in the future. And if it came easy to me, how would I be able to tell other people to do it? I wouldn't know. You know one of the greatest things? It was a subtle lesson, but it was one that I got real loud and clear when I was in high school.

Speaker 1 14:47

I was on a competition dance team and we won everything. We won all the time constantly and I learned so much on that team. We won all the time constantly and I learned so much on that team. But someone told me once winners don't have anything to learn because you don't know how or why you won. It's the losers that get something to learn because they now know what to work on to get better for the next time. And it wasn't until the very end of my dance career where we had like a couple small not even big, but very small losses, and I mean like second place versus first. I mean, come on, and there was something to learn and I was like, oh, I didn't get a learning from the wins. You only get learnings from the losses.

Speaker 1 15:36

And the learning is the value because that's when you implement it, when you actually integrate it into your life. It becomes a part of your story, becomes something that shifts how you behave. Those are the lessons that take us from who we were to who we are, and those are the lessons we need to seek out to be able to become that next version of ourself. Otherwise, we're just living the same year over and over and over, until we're crusty and we die. That's it. And some of us don't even get crusty. Some of us stay moisturized and hydrated the whole way. I don't know where that came from.

Finding Presence in Small Moments

Speaker 1 16:20

If you're struggling, it's okay it's not meant to always be easy and just lean into the tools, lean into your community. Do the things you know to do. Go for a walk, stretch your do. Go for a walk, stretch your body. Listen to a podcast, try a new recipe. Pick up a blank canvas and some paints, take a bubble bath, enjoy a cup of tate. It's the simple pleasures. It's the slowing down. It's the simple pleasures. It's the slowing down. It's the being present.

Speaker 1 17:02

I'm being reminded about a week and a half ago I had the opportunity of unplugging for a full day, just one day, to be with my two nieces. I have a soon-to-be three-year-old and a nine-month-old niece and you know someone? I read these quotes and these things on parenting all the time, and I'm not a parent myself, so they hit me in a slight way. But when I get to be Aunt Jaina and Grandma Jaina yes, grandma Jaina I get to learn these lessons, and one of them was someone says when you bring kids along, they slow you down. And then it said I think that's the purpose and it's true.

Final Thoughts on Seeking Support

Speaker 1 17:54

When I unplugged and I had that day with my nieces, everything else went away. The thought of the debt went away, the thought of that thing on my to-do list that I need to do real bad, the thought of, at the time, all of these other thoughts that otherwise consume me when I don't control my thoughts, my emotions, when I allow myself to spiral which I'm human, we all do, we all have our moments, right, they were all gone when I was fully present with those babies, it was nothing mattered outside those four walls, just those babies, and the amount of just pure gratitude of being able to just be present with those little girls, knowing that I get to be their safe space, knowing that I get to be their safe space, my actions and my words and giving them my attention is going to make or break who they become, because each and every moment matters when they're at this age. And so I'm grateful to be able to position myself to have days like that where I can just pour into them. Because I'll tell you, when I went to put my nine-month-old not mine, but like my nine-month-old niece down for a nap and, uh, I kept trying to lay her down and she'd wake back up and I was like, all right, I'm just gonna sit here. So I'm in that rocking chair in the dark room with the sound machine on white noise and just rocking her back and forth and her little hot pocket self you know they get like superheated when they sleep and so, like her little hot pocket self on my chest, a little drool coming out of her mouth as she's just melting into me, and for an hour I sat there in the dark, no phone, no, nothing, just me and her, that white noise, just sitting in the gratitude of how truly blessed we are. We have a roof over our head, food on the table, clean air to breathe and water to drink. We have so many luxuries that people take for granted every single day and I do too Until we slow down enough to really realize what we have. And so I'm grateful for those moments where I slow down and I get to re-experience that depth of gratitude for who I am and where I am right now.

Speaker 1 21:17

So I don't have any answers for you as far as how to ask for help. Maybe you have some answers for me, so if you do, feel free to reach out to me on one of the social platforms. You can find me, jana swan. On most platforms, janaswan, jana underscore swan, jana dash Swan, I don't know. Try all the variations, you'll find it. You'll reach out to me on those platforms. Let me know how do you ask for help when you really need it, how do you share your heart while still maintaining your authority and credibility, and do you see the ability to feel deeply as an asset or a liability? I'm curious. Let me know and I'll see you in the next one.